The Breath of Change

the winds of change are coming. i can feel it all the way down to my bones. its the way the sun shines more golden hues instead of white, its the sounds of children back in school, and the lines of nervous teens and parents in line at the stores with baskets filled high of must haves to live out the year. its the crickets that start to make an appearance and the bolder rustle of leaves...almost as if they are whispering 'do you see me? are you watching? get ready cause im gonna put on a show...you think im just plain and green and dull...well get ready...are you ready? are you watching?'
i am.
i am watching Lord. breathless and nervous with anticipation.
i am ready to see what this new season of life holds.
i am ready to watch how you unveil your glory and power.
i am ready to see where you will put me in that story.
i am ready to start that new part, the part where you call me to new things that challenge me and pull out the inadequacies. the things that will cause me to laugh and cry and scream and love and grow and change.
i may hate the actual act of changing but i love that moment where you can feel its breath on the back of your neck quietly saying...are you ready?
its that moment where everything stills. and there is this quiet almost humid timeless moment...where you know you will never be the same from that moment on and that it will be the start of something big...even if you dont quite know what...but you feel it...as the wind begins to whisper into a gust and your soul knows that you have felt the breath of God.
again.
and it brings a sweetness like no other.

my heart yearns for cooler weather and bright golds, reds, and oranges in the trees but till then i will sit in the sweetness of the knowledge that it IS coming. and it is that, that i will hold onto for the time being.

im back in the saddle again...

so its 3 am...almost 3:30am and i need to get to bed but felt the need to dust off this blog and fire it up again. after spending time to erase all the blue pill comments that have been posted i felt a need to not only beef-up security but started to read and felt a little nostalgic. this blog documented a crazy point of life for me...not unlike the one im currently in...and so...well we shall see how long this lasts.

things that have changed since the last time i blogged...

i graduated college freakin finally

i realized that i am called to go overseas to africa and maybe some other places too

i have learned oodles more about God, Jesus, and myself

God really put me to the test of if i would go to the ends of the earth for Him...i now live with my parents in the lou...flash from the past and has caused and is causing me to relive a lot that i had hoped would remain lost and forgotten about

i am amazed at how perfect Gods timing is as well as His amazing ability to redeem and restore and salvage things that have been lost and tried to be forgotten

im sure there is more but thats a taste...

oh and my bun calib "fatman" ...he can now officially be called the toeless wonder cause he like my first bun boo boo, has a left back paw that now only has 3 toes...instead of the usual 4. and let me just say that bunny toe amputations...well they dont come cheap! bah!



themes that God is impressing upon me right now:

trust Him trust Him trust Him

His timing is perfect

He is a jealous God and when anything starts to really divide my heart and or my attention...He very quickly will call me back so that the only thing i am truly clinging to is Him

GRACE

PATIENCE

PERSERVERANCE (which by the way i am beginning to think must be my middle name)

its joy in the little things that allow you to handle the big things and the not so pretty things and the down right U-GuLY things, joy is what brings us back to hope and hope is what brings us back to faith (inpart taken from a conversation with a really wise woman...you know the type...super profound but doesnt see herself in any way as being profound...man i love people like that! lady i hope you know who you are you are loved and are truly a joy!)

renewal, rebuilding, and building (aka soaking up as much as i can with the understanding that this is preparation for all that God has for me to do...both here and now and beyond)



well its super late. i will now be sleeping in super late and thus making my mom worry more by not waking with her when the sun rises. oh how she worries...i pray that she can get a break from the worries...i pray she can find some peace...cause i cant imagine having to live life worrying that much about everything and everyone. it just makes me tired and heartsick just thinking about it.

peace...my peace i give to you...not of that which the world gives...but mine which is an everlasting peace

not a direct quote but i think its a paraphrase or at least how my heart remembers and responds to it...i think its in john. but im ok with not really knowing right now and leaving that for another time, another day.

peace and blessings

-me
:)

take a look

check out my newest blog about my upcoming trip to ethiopia:

www.ethiopia-and-beyond.blogspot.com

:)

late night/early morning ponderings

after reading amy's post i am stuck with the idea of do we ever really know what we want and do we ever REALLY want what it is that we think we want or are we just enthralled with the idea of it? when it comes time to actually step up and account for it...is it still worth it? lately ive been feeling a great disquiet within my heart...i feel that i have a huge calling on my heart, my life actually and have been racking my brain to try to "figure it out" i finally had the awakening tonight that while there may still be some left of the story...ive already set out and done what God has sent me to do, yes i may still have some story left that i am unaware of yet but i have made a difference...maybe not in the lives of hundreds of people across the world...but well actually i have affected plenty of the world...so in essence i dont have to strive anymore...its already done and if there is more it will get done before i leave this world...i finally understand what it means to truly let God hold my whole life in his hands...and i can be ok with that. why do i care so much about making a difference? why am i so blind as to how much of a difference ive already made? why is rejoycing in the little things such a hard thing to do? and why must everything i do be for everyone else and not for me? i have been in teh midst of overhauling my life lately and have come to realize that i get one chance at this life, i have one time to live my life to the fullest and to enjoy all the little things around me...only ONE, and i refuse to live it for anyone else (other than God) from now on...from now on this life is for me and most importantly for God because i want to make a difference to him more than anything or anyone else. this right here, right now, is my time to shine, my time to fly...and i can do that even by just bringing a smile to someone's face...i dont have to go out and slay dragons...i can instead just enjoy the grass and the butterflies. what beauty this broken world beholds...i can't wait to go home...for i feel i am becoming homesick for that home i've never seen...but may my life be used to the best of God's ability before i go.