take a look

check out my newest blog about my upcoming trip to ethiopia:

www.ethiopia-and-beyond.blogspot.com

:)

late night/early morning ponderings

after reading amy's post i am stuck with the idea of do we ever really know what we want and do we ever REALLY want what it is that we think we want or are we just enthralled with the idea of it? when it comes time to actually step up and account for it...is it still worth it? lately ive been feeling a great disquiet within my heart...i feel that i have a huge calling on my heart, my life actually and have been racking my brain to try to "figure it out" i finally had the awakening tonight that while there may still be some left of the story...ive already set out and done what God has sent me to do, yes i may still have some story left that i am unaware of yet but i have made a difference...maybe not in the lives of hundreds of people across the world...but well actually i have affected plenty of the world...so in essence i dont have to strive anymore...its already done and if there is more it will get done before i leave this world...i finally understand what it means to truly let God hold my whole life in his hands...and i can be ok with that. why do i care so much about making a difference? why am i so blind as to how much of a difference ive already made? why is rejoycing in the little things such a hard thing to do? and why must everything i do be for everyone else and not for me? i have been in teh midst of overhauling my life lately and have come to realize that i get one chance at this life, i have one time to live my life to the fullest and to enjoy all the little things around me...only ONE, and i refuse to live it for anyone else (other than God) from now on...from now on this life is for me and most importantly for God because i want to make a difference to him more than anything or anyone else. this right here, right now, is my time to shine, my time to fly...and i can do that even by just bringing a smile to someone's face...i dont have to go out and slay dragons...i can instead just enjoy the grass and the butterflies. what beauty this broken world beholds...i can't wait to go home...for i feel i am becoming homesick for that home i've never seen...but may my life be used to the best of God's ability before i go.

please hassle me i thrive on stress!

ok so that is on a t-shirt that i have (which used to be my brothers) and today was literally the epitomy of that. today was full of junk that just made me feel like the dutch boy trying to hold back the entire dam with his fingers! bleah! and im sure you can all guess how well it worked too. man i was hoping to make it at least to february until i had my first crying/stressball breakdown in regards to my senior recital...yeah not so much. apparently that was a bit too optimistic. oh well...maybe that will be the only one...hahahaha! ok just kidding. its amazing how some days just make you feel like a punching bag and i just find it so funny how you can take so much of it and then you just dont have any more room to absorb stuff. but i am thankful to be surrounded by people who were supportive today and gave me a shoulder to cry on (actually quite literally) and who calmed me down and reminded me of what is important and that i need to remember what my dad always says...you've got to just take one day at a time...how true and how difficult. mmm the joys of being an emotionally sensitive person...mmm ah well tomorrow will be better and today has improved so its all good...and yeah go ahead hassle me...then see what happens!


(side note: i do not take any responsibility for my actions if hassled)

Disney eat your heart out!

I live in the best place ever! The amount of nature that surrounds me even in this populated area...its great! Today as I went to school (even though I found out once I got there that it had been cancelled...yeah that was a fun surprise let me tell you!) I saw the usual twenty thousand squirrel's on campus and heading back home I saw two bluejays. But the kicker was my back yard. Three bunny rabbits and a pair of cardinals...all in a 5 ft. by 5ft. spot...yeah it looked like a hallmark greeting card and the scary part to me is that I could be content to just sit there all day and watch em. I cant sit still for anything unless Im watching nature...go figure! These are the days when I wish my telephoto lense was just a bit longer...cause then I would have been able to get some photos...but its not so I didnt. :( Well Im off to go see if I can spot anything else today...cheers!